Perfection

Don’t expect to ever be perfect. Don’t expect others to be perfect. Especially those that have been Torah observant longer. If we keep our eyes on others we will be disappointed and discouraged. Look to others to learn from not an example to be followed on a whole.

What it the purpose of Torah observance? To love G-d with all of your heart, all of your soul, and all of your might. Also, to love your neighbor as yourself. Each of these are very noble and difficult, they take a lot of time and effort. For what we lack on abilities and consistency is to be made up with persistent love! Love is the glue that holds all together. Love is the filler where we fall short.

Sin in Hebrew is chata. This word means more than “to miss the mark”. It also is the measure by which we miss. It means that when a sin occurs we are to measure how much we missed by and contemplate how to correct it. Some of my proudest moments of my children are when they fail, plan, and not fail again. The effort to succeed is the real source of pride. It reveals that the failings are nothing more than a bump in the road. Keep in mind we are talking of erring as an accident, not purposeful sin.

When I was younger and a Christian I had a pastor that always told us that we are to have our eyes on G-d and His word not on those around us. This man taught me that my faith is personal and not subjective to how others perform their faith. Because of this I found HaShem and His Torah. Do likewise. Keep the eyes on Torah and let your walk progress at its own pace. Don’t force it nor sit idle.

Spouse

If our spouse is not on board. We will not succeed. It can be assured. So as we start learning Torah it is essential that our spouse is onboard. This is a subject that is different for every situation. What may work for one person will not work for another. But there are some very basic things we can do to increase the possibility of bringing our spouse on board.

First off be patient. Don’t push! When an opportunity to explain or share why we want to be Torah Observant do so with sweetness and conviction. Once the other doesn’t want to hear anymore stop. Whatever you do be pushy and don’t get into an argument.

Secondly, HaShem knows your desires and as such leave it in His hands to change another person. G-d will not force another to change, but if the person is permitting He can guide them. The other may not be interested and this is something that we cannot change. All the prayer in the world will not change that person. Only they can. But if we start pushing we can make a person more stubborn then ever.

Third, there are times to stand our ground. We are not to look for a battle. But when it comes we must be ready and firm. Let say we are asked to do some work on the Sabbath around the house that is not to fix a safety hazard, such as rotor tilling a garden. We will have to simply say, “no.” Not viciously, or with an attitude. A simple “No, I can’t work on the Sabbath and this is very important to me. However, tomorrow I will make myself available for working on the garden.” Sometimes when others see how important something is to us they pay attention. But by being willing to change a few plans the following day will help the other see that their wishes are important as well.

These are just suggestions and there are many things we can do. We must be thoughtful in our approach and be sincere in our willingness to be flexible were we can be.

Question Question

A key part of studying is to question. Yes many of them will be answered by commentators. But I want to share another method I use and has worked very will for the last 40+ year.

It is called contemplating. This is where we take a passage that we are questioning and turn it upside down, inside out, left, right, top, bottom, take apart reassemble add to and take away to reveal truths that would not otherwise be discovered. This takes time to learn and I will not explain it here. However the following will get us started;

• Why is the wording not done differently?

• What keywords are there or not there (one would expect to be there but isn’t)?

• What is the context of the passage before it and after it?

• Would I word it differently?

These are only a few ideas. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake in our judgment. Be more afraid of not correcting mistakes!

There is one more thing I do. It is something can only be shared not taught since it is an experience. When questioning a passage I will automatically talk it out with HaShem. Knowing He is within me means I have access at anytime and I don’t have to speak out loud. Although I do at times speak out loud. Sort of “thinking out loud”. The questions are asked with confidence that He will show me or guide me to an appropriate answer. It does work. Sometime the answers come immediately other times, hours, days, weeks, or years.

Mostly they take a few minutes to about a day of contemplating to get a satisfactory answer.

If one is studying with others it is essential to listen more than speak. Respect all discussion even if they are of the wall in our opinion. One of the methods I use to encourage, facilitate, and stimulate conversations is to find something in a discussion that can be keyed on and commented on in a positive manner. This is difficult. Simply because we are typically trained to accept or reject any statements given. What we are to do is to assess the thought process behind the statements. This is most difficult for us to do since it requires thought. It is very difficult to get into the mind of another.

Give the other a benefit of a doubt. It is often the case that a “doubt”, rejected, or ill conceived idea is a seed for a real answer. Develop all ideas. Give all possibilities an opportunity.

Take time. Even meeting a few times on the same topic is well worth doing. Often ideas take hours or days to develop. How often have we left a conversation just to say, a day or two later, “why didn’t I think of that when we were talking?” When the mind relaxes the ideas come out. Give time to develop ideas. Don’t try to be quick on ones feet. Often such conversations are a result of preconceived ideas or agendas that are contrary to a proper answer to a question.